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Category Archives: BekahBeth’s Thoughts

Post-Election Opinions

I always feel a little sick the day after election day. It doesn’t matter if the candidates I voted for won or lost (this year it was a combination of both for me), I always get this slightly unsettled feeling in my stomach, and spend the day feeling kind of detached from the world. Elections bring out the worst in some people, and unfortunately, I almost always run into at least one, if not several, of them in the wake right after elections.  Their side lost so this city/county/state/country is going downhill fast. The people who voted against them are idiots/bigots/treehuggers/lazy/greedy.  Those people should be arrested. Those people should be made to see sense, physically if necessary. Those people should go ahead and die already.

I will say very clearly now that I am SICK of hearing it. I hated hearing it when I was on the winning side, said against me. I hated hearing it, even more, when I’m on the losing side and it’s said by people who I would normally agree with and respect. We are not okay as a city/county/state/country if this is our response to one of the literal core concepts of a democracy. The ‘Us and Them’ mentality is never going to get us ANYWHERE. We don’t debate anymore, we argue, we scream. We don’t try to understand anymore, we dismiss people as idiots and children. I have been guilty of this in the past, I think every human being has–but I am trying very hard to be more open-minded, to understand where people are coming from, in the hopes that more people will do the same for me. Even if we all walk away without a single change in our political beliefs, maybe we can walk away remembering that everyone else is a human being too, and their feelings are real feelings, even if we disagree. We have to meet in the middle. The world will never give you everything you want–a fact I was taught as a toddler, so why are we so determined to not accept anything less than perfection. We have to learn to compromise again. I want to be proud of my city/county/state/country. But first, we have to put behind ‘Us and Them’ and go back to ‘We.’ After all, it’s supposed to be ‘We the People’ right?

 

Maybe this was a lot of anger and just shouting into the wind–but I’ve got to try to say something, right?

 

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Posted by on November 8, 2017 in BekahBeth's Thoughts

 

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Days like a Dream

Nothing felt real yesterday. One thing after another it felt like a something that I would have dreamed. At any moment I felt like I was going to wake up and laugh to myself at the thought that was real.  But I didn’t wake up. The day kept going, with thing after thing happening in the ways that I never imagined would actually happen. Friends were announcing unexpected pregnancies. I hung out with an ex, which varied wildly from being friendly to a lot of yelling, and then back to friendly. Pets were getting sicker. Work dynamics were being changed. Any of these things alone would have made it a weird day–a weird dream–but all in one? I didn’t even know how to process it.

Even as I laid down to go to bed, I fully expected to wake up and have to do Monday all over again.  Imagine my surprise when my phone informed me it was, in fact, Tuesday.  I wish I had something better for this post today–but to be honest, I wasn’t sure today was coming yet. Weird, weird day.

 
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Posted by on October 31, 2017 in BekahBeth's Thoughts, Uncategorized

 

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Diet Sodas are my Cigarettes

I remember stomping to my room frustrated with my father. This happened with some level of frequency when I was a bratty teenager, but in this particular case, I was eight or nine. We had just spent what seemed like half the day at school talking about the dangers of tobacco and lung cancer and how cigarettes were absolutely not cool in anyway shape or form. I relayed all this information to my father, thinking maybe he didn’t know about it and was dismissed out of hand. Looking back, I realize it was that dismissal of someone who knows they are doing something wrong, but aren’t willing to face up to it just yet. I would later use the same dismissal on my father when he wanted to talk to me about the fake sugars in no-calorie soda.

Throughout the years I would take to family and friends alike about the stupidity of smoking. If I couldn’t make them care about the connections to lung cancer and the increased risk of heart disease, I would hit them with the money aspect–how much a cigarette addiction would cost over months or years and what they could have spent that money on instead. I would get increasingly annoyed when they continued to smoke anyway.

The other day, I properly realized that I was a hypocrite. While the connection of fake sweeteners to diseases isn’t as strong a connection as cigarettes to lung cancer, there is certainly enough science to say it’s not the best thing to put in your body if you want to stay healthy. It’s definitely been proven to be addicting and the caffeine addiction on top of that isn’t nothing to sneeze at either. I’ve known it’s not good for me for a majority of my adult life but blatantly ignored it because I just didn’t want to give it up.

So, I tried my own tactic on myself.  I tracked how much I spent on soda over a week–and then a month–and was embarrassed by how much I was putting into a habit that was certainly not helping my health in the long run. As a woman with credit card debt, student loan debt, and trying to save up to move out of her hometown again–I have no business spending that kind of money. As a woman with a family history of a whole mix of diseases, who has spent her own small slice of time in the hospital, I have no business continuing habits that are just going to decrease my health as I get older.

My father and grandparents eventually did quit smoking and were better for it. I’m going to try very hard to quit diet sodas now–for both my health and my wallet.  Here’s hoping I’m strong enough to manage that.

 
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Posted by on October 30, 2017 in BekahBeth's Thoughts

 

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Trying and Failing

Okay, so I’m glad I didn’t agree to the noon thing on Monday because yesterday I was already late–but that’s okay. Baby steps.

In further thought, I’ve realized (or remembered, because I’m pretty sure I’ve learned this about myself before but didn’t do anything about it) that the reason that I don’t take those steps, start those big projects, hope for the best, is because there is a very real chance that I can fail. I have this terrible instinct reaction to “Well–if I don’t try, I didn’t fail.”  If I don’t apply for that job, I can’t ever be overlooked for it. If I don’t make my feelings known, I can’t even be turned down. If I don’t send out my drafts, I can’t ever get rejection letters. For a very long time, my desire to not fail has way overpowered my desire to succeed.

But the truth of the matter is the exact opposite of those instincts. If I don’t apply, I’ll never get the job. If I don’t try, I’ll never succeed.  As much as I would love for life to just hand me what I want, it doesn’t work that way. I’ve been very lucky in that I haven’t had to work too hard in the grand scheme of things for my life to be as good as it is, but if I don’t push for more, try harder, take risks, then I’m going to end up here forever–just as good as it is, never getting any better.

So–here’s to admitting that it’s okay to fail. Because at least that means I’m finally trying. I have to have faith that if I take enough risks, if I try hard enough to succeed, then eventually I have to get a ‘Yes.’

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2017 in BekahBeth's Thoughts

 

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Promises and Goals

Okay, here’s the deal.

I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’ve been thinking recently about all the big things like careers and families and all those kinds of things and I have a list of things (many of them contradicting) that I want to achieve but none of them seem obtainable or manageable or in some cases even possible. I’ve been in a funk because I’ve spent all this time looking at 100%, and sitting at the 0% mark thinking–“I’ll never get there, what’s the point?”

But then I remembered something. I was thirteen-years-old and had just been assigned the first real research project I would ever have to do. It wasn’t just a “read a bit about the topic and write a page or two,”  It was at least a dozen credible sources, a long, well-written paper, visual aids, and a mostly memorized twenty-minute presentation to be given in front of my teachers and peers. Just the requirements for the assignment sat on three front and back pages. I was always a child prone to dramatics and exaggeration, so I sat at the dining room table with those three pages and saw my good grades, my dreams of college, my hopes of having a good life, all slipping away because I was overwhelmed by the project in front of me. It had been a good thirteen-year run, but I was sure this was going to beat me.

My mother turned to me with the appropriate level of exasperation for her oldest child who had just declared she was never getting into college because of an eight-grade-project and said “You’re right. It is a lot of work and it is going to take a lot of time. But you are absolutely never going to finish if you don’t start. Focus on what you can get done today.” I continued to insist that I would never be able to finish it because I was thirteen and a brat, and ended up being sent to my room for back talking–

I continued to insist that I would never be able to finish it because I was thirteen and a brat, and ended up being sent to my room for back talking–but I’ll be damned if I didn’t finish that project (got a B- to boot), still maintained my good grades, and graduated from a good University. And in spite of my recent funk, I am living a good life.

Whats the cliche? A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. If you look at your destination a thousand miles away, of course it is overwhelming. It’s really hard to get to 100 percent from zero. But it’s not so hard to get from zero percent to one. Then one to two. And so on. And so forth.

So here’s the promise.  Monday through Friday–hopefully at noon eastern, but I won’t make that a concrete promise just yet–I will have something here.  It might be a piece of fiction. It might be the part of me that is an overdramatic teenager still who will declare one bad date means that I will be single forever. It might be an update on how I’m still working to clean up this site and make it something I can be proud of and love.  I can almost guarantee that at one point it will be me complaining about how I complain too much.

I’m still not sure where my 100% is or where my thousand miles will take me. But I know I’ll never get there if I don’t start. Here’s to first steps.


Bekah Beth

 
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Posted by on October 16, 2017 in BekahBeth's Thoughts

 

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Revamping

Hey there,

I know things have become a little haphazard around here.  For those four people who actually come and read here every day—I’m sorry. Life is doing that big changes thing, and I never respond well to changes. On top of that, I’m hitting that quarter-life crisis thing where I’m trying to figure out what I actually want to do with my life or where I am going or what I want to make out of the time that I have to live in this world.

This blog has fallen by the way side—pushed over for other life events and stories just posted for the sake of getting something up instead of the fact that I am proud of them. The days of genuinely enjoying the works that I put up, but instead most days just being glad I have SOMETHING to put up.

I don’t like that. I love to write. I want to get to sit down and write to be the bright spot of my day again. And a big part of that is going to be turning this site into something that I am proud of again. Because right now I am not.

So—as I’m sure anyone could see through my list of excuses—I’m taking a small break from updating stories on this site. I am going to dedicate solid time to making this site what I need it to be. I am going to spend some time writing and editing and getting pieces that I’m proud of on here. I am going to turn this into something that I will proudly call mine.

I will be back sometime after Labor Day with something amazing. I hope you all will meet me back here then for But So What Version 2.0. And I hope that it will be something amazing for us all.

Thank you for your patience,

Bekah-Beth

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2017 in BekahBeth's Thoughts

 

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Birthday Week

Just like every June, I’m coming toward that whole anniversary of my birth thing.  And, like every June since I was old enough to remember, I am being an absolute child about it. There will be a tiara and a happy birthday button and all kinds of other nonsense that really doesn’t fit with a woman who lives on her own, pays her own bills, and who is (as her doctor so kindly pointed out at her last check up) pushing thirty.

But, I am an adult and I do pay my own bills and I’m not thirty yet so I can decide to wear those tiaras and buttons and maybe even a sash if I’m feeling extra festive.

I’ve also given myself a present of minimal work this week, taking off anything that isn’t absolutely required of my to-do list (and pawning off some of the work that is actually required to other people, for that matter).

So–I’m taking the week off. I’ll see you guys on Friday for Legal Theft, then our reguluarly scheduled five a week starting again next Monday. Have a good week guys!

 
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Posted by on June 19, 2017 in BekahBeth's Thoughts

 

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