When he kissed her, it was so hard to pull away. She had to remind herself that this was the right thing to do, that this was the good thing to do. And in the long run, she would be so much happier if she pulled away now.
She took a step back, and took a deep breath to steady herself. She didn’t realize that she was looking at the floor until he said “Is something wrong?” and she lifted her chin to look at him.
“No. Yes. Both?” she gave him a weak sad sort of smile. “We can’t do this right now.”
“Like right this instance or—“ he started but she just shook her head. “I don’t understand—I left her for you. I broke up with her to be with you.”
“I know. I’m sorry, I know, and I am not going anywhere, I promise. But—we can’t do this right now.” She shook her head and sat down hard on the edge of the couch. “Give me a second to put my thoughts in order—I swear I knew what I was going to say before you kissed me like that.”
“Well, I guess it’s good to know that I can do that.” He answered, sitting down on the other end of the couch, not sure if he was allowed to sit closer than that with whatever was going on inside of her head.
“Yes, yes, you are definitely an amazing kisser and that is making it so much harder to stick to my guns.” She commented half without thinking, the soft casual flirting that had become such a part of their lives in the last little while. But then she had to sit up a little bit straighter and look him in the eye and speak point blank. “I know that I implied that when things were over for you and her, then it could be you and me—but we can’t just jump into this. It’s—well, to be honest, I know how badly it feels to watch someone leave you instantly for someone else. I know that gut terrible feeling, and I can’t do that to her—she’s not a bad person—and I just can’t do that to her.”
“But we’ve already done it to her. I’ve already done it to her. She knows I left her for you. I mean, I didn’t say it point blank, but—she’s smart enough to put two and two together to make four. I don’t think—“
“It makes a difference,” she answered before he even finished his thought. “I know it doesn’t seem like it should make a difference, but it does. Besides, I think it would be best to give this whole thing some space. This whole mess has gotten so tangled and jumbled up into—well, I don’t even know what to call this, but I think it would be nice to take a breath. Get some distance from that relationship. But your feelings for her to bed. Mourn the loss of a relationship that did make you happy, because just because you’ve got another relationship in your future, doesn’t mean that you should immediately forget about that one. Stabilize your life, just a little. I promise, I’m not going anywhere. I swear, this will all still be here in a couple weeks when there has been some distance put between us and this tangled mess.” She took a deep breath—since she’s been talking almost nonstop and it sounded like she’d almost hit the end of her oxygen. “Am I at least making a little sense? Can you see where I’m coming from? Can you wait a little while?”
He took a deep breath too. He looked her in the eye. “To be honest, I don’t want to. I want to wrap you in my arms and kiss you until you forget what you were thinking again and I want us to just be happy together. But I understand what you’re saying. And I understand that this is what you need to feel okay with what we’re doing. So—yes. The answer is of course, yes. We can wait until you feel comfortable. You just let me know when you’re ready for us to be us. And I—I’ll just wait.”
“Thank you,” She stood up, crossed around to the back of the couch before leaning down and kissing him on the top of his head. “It won’t be as long as you think, you know.” She commented off hand. “I know for a fact I will not be able to stay away from you but for so long.”
He tilted his head back to smile at her. “You know, that is really good for me to hear.”
“Yeah, I thought it might be.” She gave him one more little kiss on the nose, before heading out of the house. It really was for the best. She just had to keep reminding herself of that. And hold out as long as she could.