I didn’t tell Jason wat we had decided. I didn’t tell him that even though we had trained Arthur to have his very best chance, we all knew he wouldn’t make it out of this alive. It wasn’t a slim chance that he was coming back—this was no chance that he was coming back. And we all knew that completely when we decided to ask Arthur to do it.
Jason wouldn’t be able to handle that. He couldn’t send a man to his definite death. Even though it was t only way to save the rest of the world, Jason wouldn’t be able to just sit with it. He would insist we find another way, as if we hadn’t spent the last several months trying to come up with literally any solution at all. Jason would insist we find another way, even if it meant we all sat here and died while we looked for it.
So, no, I didn’t tell Jason what we had decided. It’s the biggest secret I’ve ever kept from my husband. And no—I don’t feel good about it. But I don’t feel good about the fact that I sent Arthur to his death either. However, I am not as soft hearted as my husband. I can do what needs to be done, regardless of how I feel. So I will continue to lie. With relative ease.
And I am not changing my mind.