“We never should have gotten married,” Joe complained weakly, turning the package he’d just received from his mother so that Wendy could take a look at it.
“Oh god,” Wendy laughed, lifting the little green infant onesie out of the box. “Your mom isn’t exactly a subtle woman, is she?”
“No. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t just call us, scream ‘I want grandbabies!’ into the receiver and hang up again.” He took the garment back, folding it carefully like it might explode with any sudden movements, and placed it gently into the box again.
“So, all those times we’ve told her that we don’t plan on having kids, that we don’t want kids, that we are nothing having kids at any point in the future…” Wendy let herself trail off.
“In one ear, out the other,” Joe sighed, shoving the box onto the top shelf of the linen closet. “When she comes to visit next month, there will be a lot of pointed questions. We also need to make sure that she can’t find the condoms because she will bring her own sewing needles to stab through them.”
“She wouldn’t, would she?” The look Joe gave her as he lead the way into the kitchen was a little bit terrifying. “Okay, she would.”
“She’s actually quite angry that we haven’t already announced a pregnancy. She won’t say it to you outright, because she doesn’t want to offend your fertility. But—yeah.”
“I guess that’s what we get for getting married so suddenly after six years. Everyone and their cousin is probably waiting for the shotgun pregnancy announcement.”
Joe pulled down the glasses as she scoffed. “Well, they can just keep on waiting. That’s their punishment for not listening when we said loudly and in no uncertain terms that we are not having children at all.” Joe handed Wendy her drink.
She took a long sip of the strong wine that a pregnant woman would not be at all allowed to drink. “Here’s to that,” she agreed cheerily.