My Lovely Sister,
Well, this is it. Letter number three. I shall miss your very tiny handwriting that is sure to cause me to go blind before my time. As you will see, the package that came with this letter includes all the ingredients for VA Beach Chicken (excluding the chicken because that doesn’t quite travel well) so that you can make it for yourself. I felt guilty about rubbing it in your face. I’m sorry about that.
Oh. My. Goodness. What “agreement” did you make with those boys? Did you threaten to torture them to death or something? I just barely mentioned your name and they started swearing backwards and forwards that they would be good, just please don’t tell you what they had been up to. I was shocked. Unfortunately, Missy heard your name and asked when you were coming back and started crying because she missed you so much, so I didn’t have the time to revel in the silence of the twins because I had to walk around bouncing Missy on my hip so she’d be quiet. Mom does not pay me enough for this.
Dad has been eating. Apparently Mom goes in there when I’m not paying attention and leaves him plates of food. She must have realized that since you were at school someone was going to have to bring him food. He still hasn’t emerged from the insanity of mad writing, but it’s only a matter of time now. He’s been going at this for almost six days straight now. It’s a little bit crazy to try to talk to him during these times. Now I know why I never tried before.
I think you are selling yourself short, Miss Beth. You have to be doing, something for fun and entertainment in between all of those assignments. I mean, surely Gwen has dragged you out to a party or something. Isn’t that what housemates are for?
You know what it is? I bet you are a real wild child party animal kind of crazy person, but you are so afraid of ruining your perfect girl image with Mr. Hill that you are unwilling to commit such insanity to paper. I understand. After all, if I girl doesn’t have a reputation, what does she have? (Is that from a movie somewhere? I feel like I’ve heard it or something similar, but I was always awful at those kinds of things, so I defer to you, the human imdb.com to tell me what movie that might be from.) But, let’s face it. You’ve already admitted to earning a B+. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!
Somehow, though, I’m pretty sure that telling Mom and Dad that you got a B+ is not going to soften the blow when I finally have to admit that I got a C on my last math test. Say, you wouldn’t know any tricks for getting out of trouble with the parents like you knew tricks for getting the twins to shut up, huh? Somehow, I have the feeling that even if you did know the secret, you would keep it all to yourself, because you can be just as cruel as I can, even though you pretend to be sweet and innocent. I see your true colors. I’m watching you.
Again, Mom says hi. She also says come and set the table. Again, probably not supposed to be part of the letter, but—
Your devoted sister,
P.S. I got a boyfriend. His name is Daniel. He’s pretty cool.