So, it’s letter writing time again? Yeah, I’ll write you some letters. It’ll give me a legitimate excuse to put off working on my own homework for a little while. I’m a bad example of a sister.
Normally, I would completely disregard your insinuation that I am screening your calls, since you and I both know the truth of the matter, but since we have a third-party reader, (Hi, Mr. Hill. I told you that you’d miss me once you had to deal with my sister, didn’t I?) I feel the need to defend my honor. The last five calls from Margaret Ashford to Elizabeth Ashford: 1) February 27, 5:20 AM 2) February 24, 1:23 AM 3) February 20, 6:14 AM 4) February 18, 11:47 AM 5) February 18, 4:19 AM. Four of those times I was blissfully asleep, like any sane person would be, except for the 11:47 am call where I was in class at the time, and you should have been too, so, have fun explaining that one to Mr. Hill and do remember that you were the one who brought up the phone calls in the first place.
As for the “art” of your voice mails, yes, I have listened to each and every one of them. I was particularly fond of the one that was just you saying my name over and over again before hanging up. “Hey, Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth, Beth—” and so on and so forth. Do you realize how long that message went on, Margie? Three minutes and forty-three seconds. You need more things to do with your time.
And besides, it’s not like we haven’t talked. We’ve had more text conversations than I care to count, and the last three times I was on the phone with Mom you took the phone away from her. Again, I stated all this just so our third-party reader’s view of me is not tainted by your unfounded accusations. But I will follow the rules, so no more calls, or texts, or any of that mess and thankfully—I mean, regrettably—no more artful voice mails.
So I return to you your beautiful letter, and I wait eagerly by the mailbox for your next letter. Or maybe I’ll actually get started on that paper I’m supposed to be writing. That would probably be best.
Your own personal bad example,