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Fiction: Bouncing Baby Boy (349 words)

11 Mar

I love him.  I love him more than life itself.  He’s a beautiful, healthy, wonderful, bouncing baby boy, and I simply could not be happier to see all his little fingers and his little toes.  You see, I thought I loved him when I found out I was pregnant.  And then I thought I loved him when I first saw his ultra sound.  And I thought I loved him when I felt him kick.  And I thought I loved him as Richie and I settled on what name to give him.  And for a moment there I thought I hated him when I was in the worst parts of my labor.

But now I know that I what I felt at all those times were simply ghosts of an emotion, nothing even close to the real thing.  When I look at him, our little Samuel James, our baby SJ, I am so overwhelmed with joy and love and protection that it’s almost painful to think about how much I love him.  It almost seems impossible to think about how much I really do want to keep him safe for the rest of my life.  I never understood the expression to love something more than life itself, but now I’m grasping the concept. Without SJ, I don’t want the world to exist.  It’s that simple.

My mother says I’m hormonal still.  She says that I will still love SJ with every fiber of my being, but when I finally crash from the crazy chemicals pumping through my system, I won’t be quite as overwhelmed, quite as fanatical about my love for SJ.  I hope she’s right, because I don’t think I can handle being a mother if this is what it is like all the time.  It’s just so—everything.

I am so, so lucky that I have my loving and wonderful husband to help.  That’s a luxury that my mother never got. And it’s something I don’t think I’ll ever truly forgive my father for.

I’m going to go watch him sleep.  Is that weird?  I don’t really care anymore.

 

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Posted by on March 11, 2015 in Stories

 

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