It’s not like the movies show you. Not at all. It certainly doesn’t happen instantly, at first sight. In fact, it happens so subtly that you don’t even notice it. It only seems instant, like a quick fall, when you suddenly realize that you are in love. Now, this doesn’t happen during a grand heroic moment, when He does something so brave and noble that you must confess your undying love. Oh no, it happens on a perfectly normal evening, when you’re driving to some place to meet up with friends, and the music is blasting and you’re both singing loudly and off-key, when all of a sudden the words choke in your throat and you realize that when you weren’t looking, everything changed. A guy who was originally filed away in your brain as “That kid down the street” or “that nice guy at from three jobs ago who offered to show me around on my first day” somehow switched over to “Can’t Live Without,” and for the longest moment of your life, all you can think about is kissing him. But he’s driving, and that wouldn’t be safe. In fact, even as you sit there, you know that you will never be able to tell him, because in his brain you will always be “Best Friend’s Sister” or “That friend I used to work with” and if you tell him, then you will mess up what little you’ve got going, and you are acutely aware of how important that time with him actually is to you. So you decide you won’t say a thing. And you convince yourself that you are okay with that.
You’re pulled out of your own thoughts by a joke. (Did you seriously just forget the words to a Beatles song? Your family will disown you for that, you know.) You laugh and sing over his talking, just to prove a point. And to the outside observer, life continues on like it’s completely normal. Inside your head, every priority has changed. No one notices the switch, or if they do, they realize you are trying to hide it, and they don’t say a thing. Every now and then you think you catch a look of questioning or sympathy from your friends, but you can’t decide if that’s real or if that’s just inside your head. You are in love with a man who doesn’t know it, and you just hope that one day you will be in a position to be able to tell him. That’s what falling in love actually feels like.