Fiction: Meeting the Parents (259 words)

06 Feb

“Okay. So—your mother doesn’t like me because–?”

“She thinks you are too tall for me. We’ll throw off the ratios in family photos.  I’ve promised to wear heels to all family events, so she’s been appeased.”

“And your father?”

“You’re not American, so he’s sure you have poor taste in beer, sports, and comedy.  I told him you watch Family Guy and the Simpsons, and my brother already has prepared a crash course for the bare minimum you need to know about our football to appease Dad if you are interested in reading it over.  We already used it on Sissy’s husband, so we know that it works.”

“Your family is insane, you know that right?”

“We’ve been together for years.  Did you really believe that I came from a sane family and wound up like this?”

“Fair enough.  Okay, I’ve got to ask, what do the siblings think?”

“Well, the brother thinks you’re alright, but he has offered to maim you horribly if you do wrong by me since he knows I don’t really have the stomach for blood and guts.”

“Right, right, and your sister?”

“Well, Sissy things you talk weird, and she doesn’t really get your sense of humor—but then again Sissy things I talk funny and doesn’t really get my sense of humor, so she thinks we’re a match made in heaven.”

“Wow.  What am I marrying into?”

“Hey. Be nice.  I haven’t met your family yet.”

“Oh, don’t you worry.  You’re marrying into a family just as insane as the one I’m marrying into.”

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Posted by on February 6, 2014 in Stories


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